Last night, I had a conversation with a new friend who asked me a profound question.
“If you could wake up tomorrow as the freest version of you, what would that look like? How would your life change?”
I was brought to the question I was asked earlier in the week. If I won the lotto, what would I change about my life? My answer: nothing. I would be less financially stressed, and nothing else would change.
I started answering with financial freedom and then I remembered my experience in Peru. An experience where I thought money solved all problems. I was young and naive. Money created more problems. So, does financial freedom really mean freedom? And, does that mean the freest version of me?
I then thought about my body. If was thinner, stronger, healthier, not injured, longer legs, a six pack, ect. then would I be free? I thought of how many women tear down their bodies and I remembered how I used to do the same. When I weighed 125 lbs with a six pack and could run a mile in 5:42, I still wanted more. I still wasn’t free. So, did freedom mean a perfect body?
My memory brought me back to five years ago, I was laying in bed in Wheaton, Illinois. Tears streamed down my face with a longing to feel loved and seen. This was the night I wrote myself a love letter. This was the night I began to set myself free.
My answer changed to him.
The freest version of me is one that can be loved and seen in my rawness and vulnerability. The freest version of me can show up in all of my beauty and flaws and be unconditionally accepted. Freedom is not only being my truest and authentic self, but also being loved for it. First and foremost, by me and then I hope by others. However, the latter is less important.
Our freedom lies in our hands. The freedom of love, belonging, and acceptance. We hold the key and have to learn how to unlock it.
I’ve been working on this freedom for five years and I continue to work on it daily. The life I lead is beautiful. Full of gratitude, love, adventure, self-discovery, and joy. All of those emotions also have a counterpart: anxiety, worry, insecurity, doubt, pressure, sadness, ect. Both of these lists can go on. Freedom is not making the “bad” go away. Freedom is learning how to live in harmony with both and loving yourself for it all.
I’m learning and understanding the “how”. I want to give it to you too.
I love myself for all my flaws and beauty. I love myself for how I love others and the depth in which I feel and live. My goal on this earth is to give people the tools to give this to themselves.
What do you love about you?