This past week, I lost one of my very best friends. I have gone on to her Facebook page multiple times a day to see a new part of her life, read about a new person she has touched, and see pictures of memories she’s created. I’ve read books and quotes that remind me of her. I’ve laughed. And, I’ve cried…a lot. As I reread her blog posts, Instagram, and see her hashtags #learningbyliving, I remember that is what she truly believed. We learn by living. And, what better way to learn by living then grieve one of the most beautiful souls.
As I reflect on my week and mourn, the lesson and learning in all of this has been hard to come by. And, I know that part of my grieving process is to learn, grow, and use this to better the world. I know that’s what she would want.
Here are my learnings and gratitude of one of the hardest weeks of my life:
- Feel. Let myself feel. When people ask if I’m okay, it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to cry and be vulnerable.
- I never understood loss until this moment. I haven’t been there for many people in my life who have lost people they’ve loved because I had never felt the depth of emotions that I do now. I now can relate to people on a deeper level and connect with them. I can love them. This is what Amanda did best and this is the gift she is giving me.
- I realize how deeply I can love. The grief and pain I have felt is only because of the depth of love I have for her. We cannot have light without dark. We cannot have good without evil. For we would not know one without the other. Amanda loved. She loved with her whole being and loved to depth most people will never know. She has given this gift to love more deeply on a level I never knew how.
This doesn’t make me less sad. It doesn’t make her death okay. It allows me to be and continue to live her legacy.
I love my ability to love. I love my ability to have awareness and allow myself to be as I am.
What do you love about you?